poetry Barf

Thoughts. Ideas.
It's all there....
But it just does not come together....
Hiding from the world.
From the ones who say the love me.....
Wait..... no..... I know a better start....
Sleeping inside of me,
Awaiting to break through
And devour me and all around.....
No!!! This is horrible....
What if....
It's okay to cry.
It's fine, Iam here.
There are many who love you.
And care.
Things they tell me.
But never realy mean....
Nope.... actually.... nah....
Numb. All I feel anymore.
All I have felt   for the longest of times
And never realized it.
Numb. But.... empty....
That's just not right for how I feel though....
Tears that fall.
That Imust hide from the world.
But why?
Why do I have to hide it....
Gah, Ihave no idea
Where to go with that....
Falling through through the  Earth
It seems, as if I were a ghost.
As if Iwere nothing.
But....  ren't I already?
No this is too.... i just
Don't know....
The gun is to my head.
There is no way to stop me.
The knife is at my chest
And the world.....
Nope. Just..... nope.....
There is no fucking point
In living anymore.
No reason to continue
Ah! Too vulgur and plain....
Where are you?
You've left me.
Alone. To wonder.
To wait. For your return....
No! No! No!
What to do..... what to do....
Nothing else to do but cry.
Nothing else to do but hide.
Nothing else to do
But give it all up now.
May as well....
I'll give it all up now.